At the beginning of the semester I took the archetype quiz and I was the creator. During that point of my life I was in a stage of trying to recreate myself. I was trying to rid my life of a lot of people that were pretty much sucking the life out of me. I was trying to figure out how I was going to pay for school. I had finally quit my shitty job and was on the search for another. At that point, I was also figuring out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. It was a crazy time. It was a hectic time. But mainly, it was an unstable time.
The caretaker in me had been pushed way deep down because I really had to focus on myself at the time.
The ruler in me was scared by all of the chaos.
The lover in me had also been pushed down because I had to focus on creating my own path.
The warrior in me was pissed that I just couldn’t make up my mind, and that a lot of the things going on were completely out of my control.
Now it is December and the lover in me is my dominate archetype. All of the things that were bombarding me in August had pretty much all settled down. Now days, I am focusing on loving my family. I get to see them in 12 days =]
My heart is also really in my relationship, and all of the stresses that were distracting me from truly putting my entire heart into it, are gone.
Maybe it’s just that time of year that is bringing the lover out in me. The holidays always put me in the best of moods.
So this semester has nearly come to an end.
Let me tell you, I am really glad that it is almost over.
I’ve grown a lot this semester.
I’m feeling more and more ready to settle down. At the young age of 20 I am ready to really start my life. I want to get done with college and start that journey. I’m starting to understand why people make that leap of faith and commit themselves to another person.
I have a few other journeys that I haven’t opeven started yet. In the coming year I will be taking classes year round, starting feild school, and hopefully, if all goes according to plan, it will be my last full year in Indiana.
I’m just really excited to finish the Fall Semester 2009 journey behind and start the next.
darkness clouds my mind
light has brighten my heart
Hey ________
look what I’ve done
lived in your prison
loved in your prison
I’ve cooked and I’ve cleaned
in your prison
been beaten
been knocked down
I’ve picked myself back up in your prison
hate filled my heart in your prison
I’ve killed in your prison…
It ain’t your prison anymore
Boiling
bubbling
coursing too fast.
Raging
raving
pumping too quickly.
Hate filled blood speeding to my heart
Crack!
Crack!
Crack!
13 soldiers lay dead.
30 more wounded.
Layed out by the gun.
This is war.
No.
This is home.
Spring semester is approaching. The newest mini-journey in my college quest is about to begin… or is it?
I’m in the belly of the whale when it comes to money.
As I stated in the last blog Money is getting to be the thing that is constantly on my mind. I hate it.
If the government can’t get its act together I may not only be out of school, but out of my house.
It’s so frustrating to wait like this. I was supposed to get my money by October first… at the latest. The VA benefits guy, Bill Srysck, called the Buffalo office to make sure that all my paper work is in. It is. Has it been looked at? Is it all correct? Yes and yes. Has it been processed yet? No.
My life is sitting in a huge mountain of paper work on some desk in New York.
I really don’t know what to do at this point.
I can’t even keep talking about it.
The idea that my whole future might be taken away because they can’t seem to look at 3 pieces of paper… I just wish that I could stop thinking about it.
Today I just need to vent. So I’m going to. If I don’t I may get violent with the next person that pisses me off.
So on Tuesday, I parked next to my boyfriend’s house in an unmarked lot. I had been there for maybe 45 minutes when his roommate came in my room and told me that somebody had just towed my car…. First of all, What the fuck?! Can a towing company tow a person for no valid reason? The answer is yes, they can. Secondly, I couldn’t get my car until the next day and it was 120$ to get it out. And best of all, I was in the middle off an online test when it happened… needless to say I didn’t do so well.
My roommate has been bitching that she can’t always connect to our wireless internet. If she would take the time to just hook it up to the wall when she can’t connect life would be awesome. But no, reinstall the wireless software she says. So I did… and now the internet doesn’t work at all.
We’ve also been having a heating problem in the house. My roommates insist that it needs to be turned up to 70 to 75 degrees when oh yeah, its 45 to 65 degrees outside. It makes the house sweltering hot, and I personally can’t pay that kind of bill. I’ve tried to make them understand and help them out with insulating the house but they will have none of it. Well, last night they tried to break the thermostat at 75 so that it would be stuck there forever. FUCK THAT! GROW THE FUCK UP!!!!
Also, I have to spend Thanksgiving here… alone. I can’t afford to fly out to see my mom.
And lastly, the 10,000$ the army owes me for my dad’s GI bill STILL isn’t here.
FUCK.
I am going to do my group project with Ashley, Tempess, and Calvin.
We are going to be doing a skit on what we normally do in class.
Calvin will be portraying Marlen.
Ashley, Tempess, and I will all be students portraying different archetypes.
We will be answering different questions about the mono mythic journey.
Today’s blog is going to be a little bit different then my other ones.
Unless you’ve been living under a rock i am sure that you have heard of the shooting at Fort Hood military base. 13 dead. 30 wounded. 1 nation shocked.
I grew up in a military family. All of my life I have lived around a base.. except of course, here. I don’t think that I can explain the sence of security you get by being on base, especially if it’s a base out of the country. It’s like all of the sudden the floor has been completely yanked out from underneath me and I’m on the 3rd floor. I’m sure that other soldiers and family members are feeling that way.
My father is stationed in Fort Hood. He is in Iraq, but my mother and my little brother are still there. My mother called me on Thursday, “Ashley, there’s been a shooting.”…. I know I’m over 1000 miles away but I feel like it’s happening a block over. I wish that I could be there to help my mom, to help the remaining soldiers in my fathers battlion, and most of all I wish that I was there to help my military family.
All in all, the military is its own little unit, and everyone rallies together to help those around them. I suppose send good thoughts to the famlies of the fallen and send healing thoughts to the wounded, and the base.
It was the first day in my life that I was glad that my father was away fighting a war.
